I despise the adjective Christian. Do not misunderstand me, I like the noun Christian, or at least it is tolerable. But this habit of labeling everything Christian is sooo confusing. There is this weird, parallel universe that now exists; it is almost like the real world, but in this one, everything is preceded by the prefix “Christian.”
I was at a “Christian bookstore” last week. It was not a pleasant experience. First, there was an overwhelming sense that I suck at being a Christian. From the tone of the titles I have the feeling God is a bit miffed with me because I lack “purpose”, don’t know the “secrets” and have not developed the “leader” within me. For this emotional purging I will focus on the second unpleasantry of “Christian” book shopping–the growing isolation and silliness of sectarianism. The “all things Christian” phenomenon was epitomized by the Christian mints they were selling at the counter. I am not lying! Christian mints! They are called Testa-mints. I suppose they are for casting out the demon of halitosis, and the spreading of the minty fresh good news. For my taste they needed some Christian Pepto-bismol. I felt nauseous.
What does it even mean when someone uses the prefix “Christian”? I think the implication is that the prefix Christian equals pre-approved, you do not have to worry, God likes it. But does that mean if doesn’t say “Christian” it is pagan?
In addition to bookstores and mints, here is a brief sampling of some common Christian prefixes: Christian plumber, Christian coffee shop, Christian art, Christian band, Christian dating service, Christian realtor, Christian news, Christian doctor, Christian cars (or drivers, the fish thing is confusing), Christian amusement park. Trust me this list extends to eternity. Last week I listened to an elderly man from the south describe his entire town as a Christian town.
I propose a moratorium on the prefix Christian. You know from previous tirades how I feel about this tendency for Christ followers to isolate, withdraw, and hide. The whole “us vs. them” thing is getting a bit silly.
If we do not stop this now, where does it end? It will not stop until we have Christian Viagra. (I have paused for several minutes, letting my imagination take me away. I am pretending it is my responsibility to market Christian Viagra to the church. I see dollar signs, big evangelical bucks. I can not reveal the entire campaign in a family blog, but let’s just say you will not sing such familiar hymns as He is Risen, Stand up for Jesus, and Up from the Dead He Arose in quite the same way.)
If we do not cease substituting the word Christian for the life of Jesus we will deservedly appear as ignorant, intolerant buffoons who care about one thing: hunkering down in our own little Christian ghetto, staying safe, unstained.
Interesting note, as I write this I am sitting in a coffee shop. It is owned by a lovely Christian couple. It is one of the more “Christian” shops I have enjoyed, yet there is not one piece of Christian kitsch to buy. Not one bible, not even a single verse of the day. The music is normal, no down with the devil t-shirts or WWJD bracelets. And it is the most eclectic gathering of people around. Just a few weeks ago my coffee was served by a lovely tattooed, lesbian girl with the most delightful demeanor. In fact many folks in my little town, some with really unique persuasions, consider this to be “their” place. It is Christian in this way–customers are loved and valued just as they are, each person is someone to be served, most of all it is safe.
To use the label, the adjective of Christian, is to be lazy and afraid. Not in the history of the world has someone who is hurting and seeking to be loved by Jesus found him by sucking on a mint.
Real Love, the kind I’m pretty sure Jesus meant for us to know and live, is so hard. It takes hanging in there, getting dirty, being present. Maybe that is why Jesus on his last night prayed something like this, “don’t take them out of the world, but empower them to change the world they’re in.
